


I've Become So Numb

by Marvel_or_Bust



Category: Marvel / Avengers
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Caring Steve, Death, F/M, Fighting, Memory lapse, Sad, Shy Steve, Violence, best friend steve, little fluffy, tiny bit of smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-02
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-06 00:17:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6729391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marvel_or_Bust/pseuds/Marvel_or_Bust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-Multiple questions day in and day out,  always ending with the same result...would today be any different?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Become So Numb

**Author's Note:**

> I've worked on this for far too long. Literally only this. Please forgive grammar errors. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it from my dark and morbid heart!

"Mr. Rogers, how have you been doing?" Dr. Cho questioned, her voice thundered through the speaker echoing into the white room. She inspected the mans figure through the layered two way glass, separating her from him. The fellow rolled his neck, straightening his body, his head shifted from side to side catching a warped reflection of himself in the metal paneling covering the cell walls. 

"I'm fine. How about you, mystery voice coming through the ceiling?" He blue eyes roaming the room, landing on a pair of shiny handcuffs, bolted to the middle of a long metal table.  
"Why am I here again?" He nonchalantly asked, moving to stand, he felt weight upon his ankles. 

"I'm well, thank you for asking." The Doctor ignored the last question, tugging a single black strand back from her face, inspecting the man seated before her. 

Steve leaned back as far as he could go, catching sight of thick large cuffs wrapped around both legs. "You guys went all out didn't you?" He whistled, scooting himself back up to the table. 

"Have anymore..memories resurfaced?" Her voice sounded almost hopeful, maybe this time around something would change. God if even the slightest detail was different then maybe there would be hope for him yet.

Steve rubbed the palm of his hand deep in thought, contemplating his response.  
"Huh. No. At least, not exactly. Always the same. I see myself on top of - a woman, my assignment." Steve studies the tinted glass, racking his brain. What could they be looking for?  
. The woman's voice sounds familiar, is directly in front of him, picturing a woman, clad in a uniform or even a white lab coat and clipboard-  
"I.... "

"Tell me of when you first met her, "

"Her who? Come on, you have to be more specific, Doctor." Steve squinted, staring down at the table, sifting through the broken pictures in his mind. "Doctor Cho right? How'd I end up at the other end of your little science project?"

"Yes Mr. Rogers, you are correct. Now I need you to focus. Can you remember.. Miss Y/n y/l/n?." Dr. Cho turned, her brown eyes to Fury standing a few feet to the right of her. His lingered silently, hands firmly held behind his back. His body language read calm and collective while inside was a great deal of inner struggle. 

Steve took a deep breath,  
"Yes. I am...was, part of the Avengers initiative.. They removed me from it you know, after. ." Steve played with a piece of fuzz, rolling it between the pads of his fingers. Why was it so hard for him to concentrate?

"Take all the time you need Mr. Rogers, when you're comfortable."

"Ha. well. My level of comfort is in short supply these days, though I'd feel a hellofalot better out of these handcuffs." Steve raised his hands up in the direction of the window he was being observed through. The silence following his question made him lower the chains to the table. "Don't make me beg." Steve stuck out his bottom lip making it quiver.

"Mr Rogers, at this moment in time, safety is a top priority. "

Steves eyes flicked toward the glass. "Safety for me or from me?"

Dr Cho look pointedly at Steve through the glass, "In light of recent events- both. Now please, answer the question."

Steve huffed slumping into the hard metal, it let out a small creaking sound.  
"I remember meeting Y/N y/l/n, and the day was normal just like any  
other, nothing special. Umm..Eye patch guy- I mean, Fury informed me he would be bringing an agent on board fully trained...."  
Steve smirked to himself, "She wore a....pants suit. I'm still not use to that. Ya know, women were dressy, like-blouses with skirts. But she...Y/n had wanted to look professional- wanted no one treat her differently, not to be just another pretty face. Her words of course, not mine." Steve took a breath, sitting up and scanning the room once more. 

Fury heavily sighed, rubbing his temples. "I need a break in this Doctor. You're going to have to push him."

"Can you continue?" Dr Cho asked after Steves long pause. 

"Umm. I'm sorry, where was I- yes. The beginning, when I first met her. She uh." Steves tongue slipped out just abit wetting his lips, his hand went up to rub the unruly stubble collected along his jaw line.  
"I mistakenly looked at her while saying something about women of color and..pants. " he chuckled clearly amused, replaying the thought. 

"And that's when Miss Y/l/n assulted you?" Dr Cho scribbled notes on her pad. 

"Yeah I mean, I guess that would be considered assault. she slapped me hard.. Harder than I expected. Can't say I didn't have it coming, atleast I feel like I did." Steve rubbed his cheek, thinking about the stinging feeling in that moment, you hadn't held back the force of your hand burning afterward. 

"That. That caught me off guard. To tell you the truth. Holding the side of my face I watched her storm out with.. Barton, yeah. Barton wasn't too far behind."  
Steve cleared his throat, closing his eyes briefly relishing in your face appearing behind his eyelids.  
" That when I first laid eyes on her, she was fucking beautiful. I mean, " Steve opened his eyes leaning over the desk facing the tinted glass, licking his pink lips, "That's the moment I knew I was in trouble. "  
\--------------------

Steve briskly walked after you and Barton, weaving in and out of the study flow of people in the hall.  
"Hey miss.im sorry, that was very insensitive-"

You froze, slowly turning to face him, already feeling anger begin to form under your professional facad, Clint frowned wondering why you had stopped. . 

"Are you actually sorry or are you just saying that, Captain?" You squinted, was this how he was away from the cameras? Would you have to deal with comments similar to this day in and day out living in the tower? Something that was suppose to be a moment of change and growth was soured in seconds. You wanted to choose your words wisely after all he was your teammate now. Barton stopped his instructions eyeing you both. 

"Look this doesn't need to turn into something that can be avoided. I'm apologizing, just things have changed from my time and-"

"And? Ignorance is ignorance. That is something that will never change with time. " you met his gaze, onlookers slowed noticing you raise your voice to the Leader of the Avengers, observing the conflict between you.

"Geez, " Steve reddened, "I was simply just stating a fact ma am." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh really? A fact. Here's a fact: Steve Rogers that apitimizes the American Dream and all the good of the world, gets his panties in a bunch because of some tan skin and pants? "

Clint snorted, turning his gaze to Steve whispering,"choose your words wisely."  
tapping a finger across his lips, covering his smile.

Steve huffed, shoulders drooping, his mouth opens and closed like a fish out of water, attempting to dig his way out of the hole he had dug himself into. 

"So Mr. Rogers, I'll ask again- are you actually sorry for your comment , I want to know if you'll need some more sense slapped into you." you lifted an eyebrow, resting your hands at your sides.

Barton, crossing his arms against his chest, worrying things would turn to blows. "Steve, apologize to the  
Lady so we may continue her briefing."

Stev ran his hand through his hair, blowing out a breath,  
"Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot."

\----------------

Dr Cho wrote a few lines down,  
"From there you two grew?" She looked toward Steve, leaning back in his chair.

"Are you asking as friends or as teammates? Both answers are yes. More so I wanted to get to know her intimately . I offered to take her out, on a date. " he rubbed his hands together, nervousness replaced his cocky tone from earlier. 

"And Where did the date take place?" 

Steves forehead wrinkled, still struggling to recollect the events that had taken place. He felt as if there were memories mixed with dreams, sorting through which were real and false. 

"Where all my dates start, at the corner diner."  
\--------------------------

Tossing your jacket into the seat across from Steve, You slid into the faux leather booth. Steve his his smile by taking a sip of his milk shake, crossing his hands before him. It was just a date nothing special, even though neither one of you could calm the butterflies fluttering in your stomachs. 

You reached a hand over plucking the cherry from his dessert,  
"Is this an apology lunch? An, 'I'm sorry for all the bullshit that dribbles out my mouth?'" You looked to him swirling your tongue around the whip creamed covered fruit, finally biting it off he stem. Steves face became flush, clearing his throat. 

"I don't know many times I can apologize, I-"

"Relax Rogers. Just pulling your chain. Besides, I told Barton I'd take it easy on you. " you ran a hand through your long locks, pushing it around to your back, relaxing your shoulders. "So, tell me about yourself. Something away from the history books..." You leaned over the table giving him your full attention.

Steve swallowed, rubbing the condensation off his glass of water, watching the droplets roll down the cup and gathering on the table.  
"oh huh. well, let me start from when I woke up from the ice."

you looked fixedly at him.  
"Well, what are you waiting for? Go on."

\-------------------

Steve twirled his fingers, He had become bored with these incessant questions, what was the point?. 

"You and miss Y/n seemed to become quite comfortable with one another from that point on."

"Yeah, I think we- I mean yes. Yes we did."

"You seem unsure?"

"Yeah. No, all these useless questions about Y/n.they're bringing  
Up memories from long ago. Quite annoying actually." Steve massaged his head feeling a sharp pain behind his eyes.  
"Yes, We started hanging out pretty frequently."  
\-------------

There was a sharp knock on your door. you smoothed your hair, glancing in your closet mirror making your way to the door. "Hey Steve,"

"Hey y/n- "Steve walked past you, looking around your apartment. Being the gentleman that he is, this was the first time he'd been past your door.  
"Wow, your room is very..."

"I know it's a bit cluttered, cramped.."

"I was going to say girlie." Steve laughed shaking his head. "Which is shocking that it doesn't look more like-"

You smiled "id watch my tongue if I were you Steve." You folded your arms, 

"Girlie but in a good way. It's nice. Oh! Look here." He motioned toward your coffee table, walking toward it-  
"You've got your cute little trinkets, photos.. Wait is that a ceramic unicorn- OUCH!"

"Steve Rogers! Are you making fun of me?" You scolded him, picking up the photo from his hands and collecting all the objects within his reach, cradling them in your arms. "It's better than a mostly empty, army made bed and  
old- "  
You glanced toward Steve watching his face droop.  
"oh god Steve!" Your eyes dropped to the floor butting your lip. "I'm. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry. I just get so defensive.."

Step rubbed his nose, looking back at you,"yeah. It's fine. Come on we gonna watch this movie or not?" He nodded, from his tone, you could tell he was still hurt. 

"Steve seriously, I'm liget apologizing. Please, come here." You reached your arms out hugging him. It felt new, and warming. Yes you guys from time to time would give each other a hug but this, it felt different. Did Steve feel it too?

You snapped your arms back to yourself, Steve, cleared his throat.  
"Ok. I forgive you. No harm done, just go grab all the snacks and I'll put the movie on."

"Ummm maybe you grab snacks? I only ask because I just got a new blue ray DVD player with-"

"AHHH! OK! You win! Fine! I'll do the snacks. Fangled electronics!"

"Hey I'm just thinking in your best interest. When you get done grabbing the popcorn I'll teach you how to work it. No joke. " you smiled, seeing Steve poke his head back through the kitchen doorway at you.

"No joke? Why Y/n, I don't think you know what that means."

"For real, in all seriousness. Ok? Just hurry up."  
\-----------------

Dr. Cho smirked writing notes down on her lap. Fury even smiled reminiscing how you would prank Steve. Tony would personally get involved from time to time, after all, why should you have all the fun? 

"Is it a fact that you and Miss Y/l/n were having, ahem. Relations?"

Steve licked his lips, a sly twinkle in his eye, "oh you mean sex. Why Doctor, aren't you a little minx"  
Steve rubbed his eyes, hoping it would dull the pain.

" Shit. I bet you want every dirty detail, don't you?" Stevens eyes darkened, boring into Dr. Cho. "What exactly do you wanna know? Her favorite position? The ones that made her scream my name? The sounds she'd make when I-"

"Answer the question Rogers." Furys voice boomed through the expanse of Steven room, he smirked hearing it. Apparently he was ruffling up someone's feathers. 

"Ah, now-"  
Steve pointed upward, obnoxiously smiling.

"I'd recognize that tone anywhere! Papa Fury! I knew I sensed another presence lurking around." Steve flashed an evil grin looking where he pictured Fury would be behind the tinted glass. "To answer your question, of course we did. She trusts me, you know how women get when you put them above everything else? Make them feel special, amazing even?She was yearning for human contact- starving for it. I just fed the beast."  
\-------------

Steve shook his head, spotting you as he returned from Buckys apartment.  
Walking in the pouring rain, Steve pulled up beside you. You noticed him out the corner of your eye, still perturbed you trudged on, your black trench coat swaying flinging droplets against the side of his car.  
Steve lowered the passenger side window-  
"Hey. y/n, you ok?" He looked you over, your hair curling from the rain, beads of water hung onto the ends of it . He was unable to tell if your face was wet from the rain or tears. He assumed your date must have not turned our well, by the way you where biting your lip in determination stomping through the puddles streets of the city. 

"I'm fine. " you gnashed your teeth, unable to meet the eye of your best friend. Instead of asking for a ride from the jerk you had went on a date with, you decided to blow off some steam walking back to the tower.

"Come on don't be like this. It's cold, I can see your teeth chattering."Steve looked at the street ahead as he seaside the car as close as he could to the curb. 

"Don't be like what?" You stopped, eyeing him, "I'm angry Steve. Besides that I'm fine. Let me be and I'll meet you back at the tower." Your mind raced, Steve was the best of the best, how dull of you to think you could find a man that would even compare to him. Damn near impossible when Steve himself had set the bar so high. 

Steve put the car in park, watching you continue to trudge on in heels through the storm. Getting out of the car, he jogged after you, taking off his jacket wrapping it around you. 

You looked at him in awe as he fastened it around you shoving his hands in his pockets.  
"Steve, What are you doing? Get back in your car!" You started removing his jacket, he pulled you close by the sleeves.  
"Y/n Y/l/n, you are going to take wear this jacket, I know it's not much but it will do till we get out of the rain. Come on and get into the car, caps orders." Steve looked down at you, His clothes were soaked now, staring into your eyes your breath hitches.your wet hair clinging to your face,  
"oh so it's captains orders now, not Steves?" You looked back up to him, your faces were closer now, 

"damn right." Steves eyes burned through you, just months ago he would have let you be, well maybe. Where your gaze had first been intimidating back then had lost its power, morphing into something completely different . There was no doubt now, Steve Rogers had fallen for you. 

"Why captain, watch your-"  
Steve cut you off with a breathtaking kiss. His fingers grazed your neck, slowly moving toward your jaw. The kiss was sweet, passionate and completely swept you off your feet.  
hearing lightning strike close by, Steve broke away first, holding you against him as the heavens poured down. He leaned into your ear, a smile spreading across your face. 

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that and you look so beautiful tonight.. I just couldn't-"

You turned to him, unable to stop your giddiness. Steve Rogers liked you! You began laughing kissing him again, he pressed you tight against his body while onlookers took notice of you both from underneath dark umbrellas. 

 

Steve let go of your hand as he pulled up to the Tower. holding your shoes, you ran barefoot across the way to the double doors with Steve running ahead opening them for you. 

"After you madam." Steve bowed as you nodded, doing an exaggerated curtsy.  
"Why thank you sir."

 

You both stood awkwardly in the elevator knowing Tony had eyes everywhere. Not wanting anyone  
To know about anything until you two could talk behind closed doors. 

Or not talk at all and violently rip each others clothes off as you entered Steves room.  
He pushed you onto his bed, hovering over your damp body. Your hair was spread across his Pillows. He looked down at you, taking one hand sweeping your hair away from your face then running down the other had toward your dripping- core. Catching you off guard you gasped, feeling a finger dub against your sex. He kissed you keeping you quiet while he pulled down his boxers with his free hand.  
You looked into his eyes then took in his body. Ever curve and toned section.

He laid his face between your breasts kissing a line down toward your stomach. "You're so fuckin sexy Y/n, I-"  
\-------------------

"Ok. That's enough." Dr. Cho had a faint blush across her face. 

"Aw. You cut me off before I was getting to the good parts!"

"When did you and Miss Y/L/n have your first mission together?"

Steve leaned over the table straining to scratch the back of his neck, "ummm..we were paired together by you Fury, a get in and get out mission, I believe . " he frowned, sweat began beading on his forehead.  
Dr Cho, turned to Fury watching Steve intently. "Are you ok Mr. Rogers?"

"Yes. I-" Steve shook his face, looking over the glass surrounding him. "Umm where am I again?" Steves chest heaved has his heart began beating faster, his breathing was uneven. 

"Calm down, just a few more questions. Take your time though I need you to answer to the best of your ability." Dr. Cho turned off the speaker to his cell, facing Fury.  
"How long can we do this before-"

"Doctor, I'll let you know when I've found what I'm looking for."

"What exactly are you looking for?" 

"A motive Doctor. I'm looking for a motive."  
Fury clicked the cells speaker back on nodding to the good doctor.

"Mr. Rogers, do you remember?"  
\--------------------

Steve ran furiously throughout the complex.  
"Barton- eyes on y/n?" He threw his shield deflecting the aray of bullets headed towards him, not breaking his stride. 

Clint kept busy attempting to make a clear path for the Avengers headed out of the facility. "Cap that's a negatory. Barnes?"

Bucky threw a guard through the safety doors, machine gun in hand. "Steve I haven't spotted her, she must be still inside." Bucky was confident in your ability to take care of yourself. But this was Hydra you all were dealing with not just some common criminal or random villain.

Steve turned down an vacant hall , checking each room.  
"You've got only a few minutes cap." Sam breathed over the coms. "Make them count." 

Steve became desperate. "Y/n! " he yelled. He sprinted through breaking every lock, tony was muffled in his earpiece. "spangles I'm touched you and your crazy girlfriend want to play hide and seek but we really need to-"

"Y/N!" Steve leaned on his knees with his mouth hanging open, panting, "not. leaving. behind" Steve huffed. Hearing a muffled sound he made it to the last cell. His expression change to Urgency seeing your predicament. You were strapped to a metal chair, face damp with tears. When had they had a chance to nab you?

You spotted him, unable to move a lot you struggled to shake your head. 

"No Steve!" You muffled. Steve hit the door violently, springing it from its hinges. The door flew across the room hitting the opposite wall. Standing in the door way, he had been unaware of the two men on either side of the threshold. You pushed out your gag, sniffing.  
"Stand down soldier!" You croaked still struggling against your restraints. Steve paused, eyeing you. He saw your apprehension,  
The two hidden guards grimaced, readying their weapons, another guard appeared behind you, pressing the cool metal of his gun onto your temple, gripping your neck. 

"A www shh Captain, she won't feel a thing." 

"Leave her, take me if you must." Steve dropped his shield, looking to you then to the man between you. "She has nothing that I can't offer you."

He laughed moving his gun from your head, "oh Mr. Rogers, that was the plan all along."  
\-------------------

Steve felt a tear slide down his cheek. He wiped it away without a second thought, looking down at his hand, rubbing his fingers together feeling the salty fluid. 

Dr. Cho turned to Fury. "Do you think he-"

Fury put up a single finger silencing her.  
"Rogers, what do you remember next?" Fury looked toward the Doctor looking on with pity through the glass toward Steve. 

"Keep in mind what happened last time, director. We can't push him too far." Dr Cho placed a hand on Furys leather sleeve. 

He shook her off, frowning.  
"I will do whatever it takes"

Being pulled from his trance, Steve swallowed hard. "I remember.. Confustion. Pain. Hydra.  
\------------------

Steven eyes fluttered softly as he was dragged through a tunnel-like maze. Whatever they had hit him with, surely was wearing off. 

A faint voice spoke from the blur of faces.  
"What we injected him with is temporary/Get him to the lab and hooked up."  
No matter how hard he protested, his body was heavy and his vision distorted. Followed by the clanking of bolts, Steve was propped upright being pushed and parts of him pulled into position. His hissed feeling tubes pushed through the back of his neck, warm blood trickled down the collar of his uniform, making a soft dripping noise upon the aged floor.  
The last thing he heard was a faint hum , the light that spread over his limbs was blinding. Steve clinched his jaw unwilling to give them the satisfaction of breaking him before he lost consciousness. 

 

Steve awoke in a dim lit room, unaware how long he had been there, everything was familiar yet strange all at once. His finger tips grazed against the arm rests of his chair, his red eyes blinked once, twice absorbing his surroundings.  
"Good morning! Rise and shine Mr. Rogers." A guard made his way to Steve, undoing his straps from the metal chair that he had been confined to for weeks, motioning him to stand. Steve looked over himself cloaked in black. A red logo stitched into the chest plate of the uniform. 

Eyes never leaving the floor, Steve spoke in a monotone voice, a voice he didn't recognize yet he didn't care. 

"Sir, what is my assignment for today?" 

Steves eyes were kept downcast, knowing he should not move until is assistance was requested. The man circled Steve, studying his posture and form.

"Now we are going to do this until you can complete this task flawlessly. Understand?"  
\-----------------

"Steven pupils dialated. I. I remember."  
Steve looked panicked standing quickly, bending over the side of the table he vomited onto the white tiled floor. Straightening himself, he knocked back his chair wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. 

"Wheres y/n?!" He yanked the cuffs from the table, digging into his skin, his wrists bled and flesh was torn. With little effort he dragged the metal table toward the glass dr Cho and Fury were behind. 

"Please. Dr. Where is she?" Stevens voice was pitiful and weak. Sweat poured from his temples, breathing erratically. His bloodied wrists rested against the glass, smearing the clear window in a deep shade of red. 

"Rogers don't tell me you've forgotten already?" Fury begain, "After all it was you that ended that poor girls life. "

Steve knees became weak, sliding partially down the wall. "Wha- no. NO! That didn't happen! YOURE LYING! LIAR!" Steve yelled, spit hit the glass.  
Tears ran down his face," NO. The winter soldier was my mission. Bucky. I remember. Not y/n."  
Unable to control his anger he punched the glass, fury leaned back while the doctor jumped. 

"Now, Allow me to refresh your memory."  
\---------------

Tony chased after you, toward the quintet. "Y/n this is a horrible idea and a half assed plan." His shirt flapped wildly in the wind. He understood how desperate you had become, Steves disappearance had taken a tole on everyone. But when it came to you and Bucky, it had been exceptionally difficult.  
You paused resting your hands on your hips," You of all people Stark?"

"Now look. I never said I didn't like the way you were thinking I'm just saying. When we broke out Barnes from hydra it was a big fight. I guess.. What I'm trying to say is.. your Steve may not be home anymore. " Tony finished pointing toward his head. 

You turned rolling your eyes continuing your trek.  
"So what? It's been months and we finally have a solid lead and now everyone's suddenly dragging their feet! God knows what the sadistic son of a bitches are doing to him!"  
.  
Tony got in front of you walking backwards." Hear me out we have to be careful ok sweet heart that's all I'm saying."

 

It wasn't till the next morning till the team was briefed, that you all headed out to the last spot Steve had been sighted. Once everyone was seated, tony and Bucky motioned for you to come down the hall. 

Tony's eyes flicked to the floor.  
"Y/n, you sure you want to go? From our intel, he's batting for the other team." He rested his hands on his hips, you glared at both men. 

"I have to- I want to. Maybe seein Buck and I...it will awaken something inside of his mind. I have to try."  
Bucky nodded to you, taking your hand in his. "We'll find him. "

 

You found him alright, you didn't have to look far. Flattening yourself against the concrete wall you watched as Steve and Bucky fought viciously with one another inside the facility.

"Steve, what are you doing? This isn't you!" Bucky dove away from Steves shield flying out toward him.

"What are you talking about? This is me. Hydra liberated me and has shown me the error of my ways."  
Steve caught his shield as it returned to him, his eyes stayed focused on Bucky. He snorted, seeing Buckys demeanor shift.  
"You are flawed, they were simply trying to recreate what I am and they failed with you. A poor excuse for a soldier, a broken man." Steve stopped briefly, looking with pity at Bucky. Bucky , pulled back his long brown hair, raising his fists.  
"No. You don't even believe that. Just come back with us." Bucky lunged at Steve tackling him down just to be flipped over.

"I don't think so but maybe you can rejoin Hydra. Maybe you will be even shown mercy-"

"Never. We are both going to be  
Free of Hydra. " Bucky grabbed Steve by his uniform.

Steve eyes were cold and empty. A grin spread a cross his face, from the shadows it was sinister. Leering over Buckys metal arm, Steves red irises burned into Buckys.  
"Unlike the old me, I have no concerns about freedom, however, " Steve gripped Buckys metal arm, raising his shield into the air. " Hydra wants what they gave you back."

Before Bucky understood what was happening, Steve bought his shield down hard, the edge hitting where the prosthetic and Buckys flesh met.  
\--------------

"God. Bucky."  
A rush of adrenaline consumed Steve as he remembered what he had done to Bucky. 

Steve tearfully ask for him in a low whisper, Fury shook his head finally speaking remembering Steve couldn't see him.  
"Barnes had been the luckier of the two, left breathing, with the assistance of tubes, His metal arm nothing but wires and a scratched worn red star where his shoulder had been"

Steve hit the table denting it.  
"I ripped off his arm.. Me?" Steves eyes were rimmed red, , "fuck!" He yelled toward the ceiling, feeling a piercing whistle reach his ears, covered them, grinding his teeth. "I need- I've got one hell of a headache doc. Care to assist me?"

Fury laughed resting his hands on either side of the glass before him.  
"Ah Steve. You'll find no drugs here. You're going to tell me what I want to fucking know." He clenched his fists letting out a heavy sigh.  
"Now. Take the pain like a man, shut the hell up and let me go into detail what you sick fuck did to my baby girl.."  
\---------------

You watched from the sidelines as Steve hurled Buckys arm across the far side of the room, kicking Buckys limp and bruised body to the opposite wall. 

You snuck into the shadows quickly as a whimper escaped you lips. A tear ran down your face. This wasn't your loving and nurturing Steve, this was a monster, alien to you in every way.  
Realizing too late, you saw Steves shadow making its way toward your hiding spot. You bit your cheek drawing blood, trying to muster up the guts to attack him. 

"Ya know, it would be a lot better if you were to just come on out and we'll go a few rounds, doll. " Steve could smell your perfume surrounding him, intoxicating. He let his eyes close, just for a moment and let it wash over him. 

Rubbing your gun holsters, you nodded to yourself. You took one out caressing it's smooth surface and gripping it tightly removing the safety.  
"Why Steve. It'll be like old times.." You departed from the shadows standing face to face with your lost lover.  
"My my. Look at you! Mmm, I have to admit I have missed you." He made a move toward you, you flinched moving as well, a dangerous game of cat and mouse. 

You kept repeating to yourself that Steve was in there somewhere. Hoping fully Tony would arrive soon, you stalled the best way you knew how, running and sarcasm. 

 

"You're wearing down, I have to admit you've gotten faster in my absence. No worries though, I'm pretty sure I've got your fighting style memorized." Steve gripped your throat snatching, you from your hiding place once more, slamming you to the ground. The concrete cracked beneath you, clouding your vision. 

"I'm sure I still have a few surprises."  
Your kneed his manhood, causing him to stumble.  
"Low blow, doll. Low blow."

You wrapped your legs around his neck, squeezing him hoping you'd be able to knock him out temporarily.  
"I've Missed you between my legs." 

He pulled you back down again to the floor, ramming his elbow down onto your leg making you loosen your hold. 

"Someone getting tired? Giving up already?" Steve taunted nursing his busted lip and bloodied teeth. 

You let out a weak laugh, holding your side, pretty sure Steve had broken a few ribs.  
"Nah, just warming up for the finale." You unsheathed your knives, throwing them as a distraction limping through the halls. Steve peered around his shield listening for you as he headed after you. 

You both continued becoming red faced and bleeding from every area on your body, You strained against him above you, his eyes dark and dangerous. Steve had been purely running on adrenaline, pumping him full of one of your clips he was still hot on your tail. A knee on your chest, stifling what little air you managed to suck into your good lung. Steve had damaged the other, blood bubbling out the side of your mouth while you slowly took a closer step toward death.

Steve through his shield in a fatal blow after you while you ran across a scaffold. You were unsure where he had come from, slipping past you in some way.  
You screamed unable to dully protect yourself from falling, you screamed breaking your right leg on impact. The bone poked out from your uniform. You closed you're eyes as you heard Steves footfalls behind you.  
"Now this. This is a pitiful sight."

Frantically pulling your leg toward you, you ripped your shirt tying a section of it around the protruding fragment. 

"What can I say, heights have never been my strong suit.." You fought to keep your tears at bay. You were broken and exhausted. 

Steve placed his shield upon his back, pulling you close to him wrapping his arms around you. You knew it wasn't real, but you couldn't stop yourself from nestling into his embrace. you had given in. You're not quite sure why or when you decided to quit fighting. You had always been a fighter, the main thing he had come to respect and love about you. Isn't that ironic?

"Aww look at you. Shh. Don't cry." He wiped your face with a bloodied hand.  
"There there doll, everything will be fine.. just let go. "  
Your brow dipped, looking up at him questionably into those unfamiliar red eyes. 

You had never felt your gun leave your holster as Steve shot you in the chest. You grabbed on tightly to him, while your own blood splattered your face. 

Hearing Tony's voice through your earpiece, your life left your eyes.

"Y/n, for the love of God, don't die on me."  
\---------------

Steve let our an earth shattering scream, landing on his knees inside the cell. He had finally recalled everything. He looked over his dirtied hands, recalling the way your flesh felt underneath his fingers, the tanned skin reddening within his grasp, the knife wounds littering your body.  
.  
Steve wiped his runny nose on his shirt seeking his voice.  
. " Fury. Why...Why did you leave me alive?. " Steve whispered, now laying amidst the paneling peeled off the walls and what remained of the table and chair inside the cell. 

Fury clenched his fists, patting his coat pocket.  
" You're right. I should have killed you when you were found, bent over Y/ns body, cradling her- what was left of her, in your arms talking to yourself like a mad man."

Steve rested both hands on the glass, Fury walked up from the other side, eyeing him.  
"What would it change? Killing you? Wouldnt bring my baby girl back, no. My.. Grandchild..." Furys voice trailed off,  
"This. Here. Watching you come apart-"

".. What. I. I'm a father?..."

"You would have been. But not any more. " Fury turned to Doctor Cho, a lone tear dropping from her eye lid. 

Steve whimpered, grabbing his head feeling another flood of pain .  
" Please....Why. Nick you have to believe me. I'D NEVER HURT HER! I -"

"You had damaged y/n s body so- Stark . He was the first one on the scene, he found you. He was unable to sleep for days, throwing himself to working on Buckys now detached arm. He blames himself, he was late. He was suppose to be there to help her bring you in."

"Why would I attack her? I can't remember! Fury! Please YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME! I LOVED HER!"  
Stevie shrieked, 

"Apparently you're love wasn't enough TO KEEP YOU FEOM RIPPING HER APART!". Fury hit the glass, making Steve take a step back. Too much, it was all too much to take in. 

Steves eyes rolled back into his head, dropping to the floor. Dr. Cho ran out to Steves door, swiping her card, unlocking it and slipping by his side.  
"This has got to be some trick. What's happening to him!?"  
Fury yelled after Dr. Cho following her into the room.  
Steve began foaming at the mouth.  
Fury reluctantly kept him still while dr Cho withdrew a syringe from her coat. 

"He's resetting himself, like a computer when it's been overloaded. They put something in his brain...We can't let him die like this, even you're not that cruel."

They both sat in silence until Steves body went slack between them. Dr. Cho blew out her bangs while Fury pushed Steve from his reach.  
"Don't test me Doctor." Fury stood shaking out his coat.

"Forgive me Director but Perhaps Y/n was collateral damage? An enemy lumped with all the others?"

"Don't tell me you believe that, if you do you're dummer than I thought."

"Sir, if it wasn't for me-"

"If it wasn't for you, Rogers would be dead already and rotting in a pine box.  
If he ever gets out of this he better thank his lucky stars he had you on his side."  
_____________

Steve woke up. He rolled his neck, straightening his body from his position at the metal table. His sparkling eyes roaming the room, landing on his handcuffs, bolted to the middle of the long table. He shook them from side to side watching the chain links slide smoothly across the tables shiny surface. Unable to remember how long he had been there, he rubbed the hair covering his jaw. 

"Steve, how have you been doing?" Dr. Cho asked through the layered glass, what separates him from her. She chewed on her pen cap unsure how much longer she could do this day in and day out. 

"I'm fine. Yourself?" He nonchalantly asked, "why am I here again?"

 

.

**Author's Note:**

> So how was it? Did you scream and cry? Let me know what you thought in the comments below! Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Please visit me on tumblr  
> @the-tormented-writer


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